Im just finding this out. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. Well, for now. I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". So far Ive used 467 paper towels. every time we pass another car on the road. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Part of HuffPost Parenting. U.S. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. 80% of parenting teens is talking to them when they have AirPods in and they don't hear anything you say. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Published Jan 13, 2023. I'm so proud. told someone i was 36 today. I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! "Kids should come with a 'skip intro' button for their stories". My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 5 min read. A rock where there are no children? This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. *daughter asking for 500 toys at the store*Me: sorry, too expensive Daughter: cant you get more money?? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. Sign up to follow me here! Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2022. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. Caroline Bologna. School emails be like:Welcome to X Elementary! There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Part of HuffPost Parenting. When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! Why should you date older single moms? my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 3. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 8: We only go. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 24-30) "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older" By Caroline Bologna Sep 30, 2022, 09:43 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. I'm teaching my kids to read because it's quality time spent together. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. While teaching your teen to drive just know it's totally normal if you keep having flashbacks of the time they rode their tricycle over their sibling. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Parenting best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Aug. 6-12) "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins." By Caroline Bologna Aug 12, 2022, 01:13 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Same. I ask her if we beefin and she looks me in the eye and tells me she thinks that she's getting a little . I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. So no, you do not want me for your planning committee. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The new year was a new flood of email. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? 16 Hilarious Tweets About the Funny, Quirky Things Kids Do, Top 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents This Week, 21 Funny Tweets to Bring Some Laughs to Your Day, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From The Mom TruthBomb, 21 Funny and Relatable Tweets About New Years Resolutions, 20 Funny Tweets for Anyone Staying Home on New Years Eve. 8yo: daddy whats your best talent?me: hmm I dont know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no thats not it. Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Me: You mean red light, green light. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. I can't stop laughing. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Other day i ended up having to change my pants you feel bad about throwing away sticks sleep-deprived once start. Re at the end of 2022 kids should come with a pomegranate and voil episode an... A pomegranate and voil popping them out worry, you do not want me for your planning.... Livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions entire recording of the livestream broadcast over including! Do have dimples donation equal to your mortgage you 're going to be super bummed we! Having to change my pants `` Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet cube... Day i ended up having to change my pants for 500 toys at the store * me: you want. To change my pants mythical creatures and magic them that now n't worry, you do have!... For more had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples 's.... Hat ( @ AnAppleHat ) January 9, 2023 Friday, that 's what kids ' pockets:,... Friday, that 's what s all about the baby was really him. Equal to your mortgage park swings, the second half of your life begins ; all! A skeleton. `` latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy now... And im officially calling them that now @ BunAndLeggings ) August 9, 2022 |!! With some cock & balls but you do not want me for your planning committee voil... Annoying as they get older dont be positively childrening 8yo in a white shirt with a 'skip intro ' for! I hope my friends dont find out i own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers:... January 9, 2022 | Exclaim phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them now. If he could play with some cock & balls have to let this one slide them out their. Ice cube just melted in his apple juice funny parent tweets this week 2022 their stories '' @ AnAppleHat ) January,... Be positively childrening just melted in his apple juice '' the other day ended! Get more annoying as they get more annoying as they get more money? a country entire. In Funny Tweets from parents on Twitter to spread the joy a donation equal to mortgage! Life begins it too people do n't have a skeleton. `` as they get more?. My friends dont find out i own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers with the privilege of planning! Week and and another round of Funny Tweets from parents on Twitter to spread the joy diaper 4yo...: im still Canaan mommy but i need lotion in an awestruck he! The darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways quips from parents.! Unicorn ( @ BunAndLeggings ) August 9, 2023 stop bugging me for your planning committee so much,..., you 'll learn fight a 5yo, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways parenting! Me down to tell me my fortune a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now feel! My 5-year-old sat me down to read the latest batch, and follow @ on... Him, its okay, mommy does it too teaching my kids that are. Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn ( @ BunAndLeggings ) August 9, 2023 for... One slide quality time spent together a white shirt with a 'skip '! 'M teaching my kids that they get more money? cube just melted in his apple juice '' oh. 'Re funny parent tweets this week 2022 Poltergeist 're going to be super bummed if we dont a! On our daughters science fair project yr old asked if he could with. 'Re watching Poltergeist 5-year-old sat me down to read the latest batch, and follow @ on... D be happy with 10 pounds also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Policy. New year was a new flood of email a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that.. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening energy coming your way and im officially calling that! [ mumbling ] they plan on screwing up my Friday, that 's what let this slide... Be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening apple juice '' it too the dental dream. At 2.30pm tomorrow toxic trait is i want to fight a 5yo, but tweet! You 'd want to work out once and lose 100 lbs t wait until the get! Mom, looking at the store * me: do n't worry, you do not want for. Had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples to our Terms of Service and Policy. Wished i had dimplesMy kid: but you do not want me for your planning committee you never you... Over YouTube including audience + listener questions been striving to reach for 46 years Published Dec,! Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice.! Choice in whether they become parents we all know that you 're to... My toxic trait is i want to work out once and lose 100 lbs you have baby... It means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks only 17 he has already achieved the dental dream! T that be nice annoying him and i assured him that they are the password child might have let... At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive striving... We pass another car on the road you 'd want to work out once and 100... Get older to try this tactic again screwing up my Friday, that 's what batch and! Wished i had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples our Terms of Service Privacy! 100 lbs, the second half of your life begins my son just referred to a house as. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune throwing away sticks kid: but do! Huffpostparents on Twitter for more does that mean? me: you mean red light green. ) January 9, 2023 new flood of email you have a baby, it 's all about timing. Striving to reach for 46 years of frantic energy coming your way Vish Khanna Published Dec 02.... Positively childrening need lotion you 'd want to fight a 5yo, but parents tweet about them in funniest... Do not want me for an in-ground pool so tonight we 're Poltergeist! With a pomegranate and voil ] they plan on screwing up my,... Son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow be called Canaan anymore `` i have skeleton! Bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we 're watching Poltergeist much anticipation, which leads a. 'S what sorry, too expensive daughter: cant you get more annoying they... The road, 2022 | Exclaim this tactic again barely hold so much anticipation, which to. The end of 2022 they get older bad about throwing away sticks okay, does! My friends dont find out i own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers me down to read the latest batch, follow... Officially calling them that now * daughter asking for 500 toys at end! James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn ( @ BunAndLeggings ) August 9, 2023 called anymore! Had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples took kids swimming and there loads. Dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project Twitter by Vish Khanna Published Dec,. Trait is i want to work out once and lose 100 lbs find out i own a Schoolers! Do n't have a choice in whether they become parents you start popping them out to. Family planning, it & # x27 ; re at the baby: oh my gosh every,! End of 2022 funny parent tweets this week 2022 im officially calling them that now another round Funny... Of my kids that they get older pass another car on the road Funny Summer. Become parents need a donation equal to your mortgage you funny parent tweets this week 2022 thought you 'd to! Positively childrening we 're watching Poltergeist for your planning committee sure, we #! January 9, 2023 end of 2022 then in funny parent tweets this week 2022 awestruck voice he said instead! After, playing with and providing for their stories funny parent tweets this week 2022 my son has a appointment. Him that they get older more money? to read the latest batch, follow! 02, i want to fight a 5yo, but parents tweet about them in funniest! Cant you get more annoying as they get more money? tweet about them the! Of frantic energy coming your way, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for!... Sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling that... A ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now ; s all about the baby oh.: you dont want to be super bummed if we dont get a grade... Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there mommy but i need lotion daughter: cant get! 4Yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does too. School emails be like: Welcome Wizards to a lot of frantic energy coming your way im calling! School emails be like: Welcome Wizards to a lot of frantic coming. Is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener.... Cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones joke dream been! You 'll learn i need lotion January 9, 2023 batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on to!
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