NTA, tell them they're lucky y'all don't press charges for theft, endangerment, and damage to property, and also that you don't snitch on them to their bosses and friends. Blood relations dont necessarily need to be your family. That's truly evil behavior, that you don't have to "let bygones be bygones" on. Yeah, garage would make me think of parking too cause it's the same word in German, but it's sometimes just difficult to remember or think of the various names for services and shops as they either depend on US vs UK (or other places too) or are e.g. YTA for ever allowing it to happen and if you continue to. Next time they try to manipulate you into downplaying their behavior by holding their respect for Tim at ransom, tell them they will lose your respect and see how much they care about it, my guess is they won't. NTA. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. Try to embarrass, or challenge his authority in front of them? Even if it did though, so what? Bullies are going to bully, but at least if you elope, they won't have the opportunity and no one else will be asking you where your dad and brother are. NTA. Sounds like you have a choice to make. This goes way beyond a "prank". This is not normal behavior. Absolutely ridiculous. Probably until he diedthey would be waiting for him to man-up and conquer his health problem on his own. Did they think you'd break the engagement if he doesn't meet their criteria? probably just some well deserved peace and quiet. He could have called the police on them for that. What gives them the right to test him? NTA - those things might be what they do to test people but it isn't what "men do". Send them this article. But the sort of person who deserves a solid partnership with a good person would see her family for what it is and decide not to see them again for herself, because she doesnt want to associate with that kind of toxicity and values herself too highly to do it anymore. I get that families can sort of haze newcomers, but slashing tires? They have proven they are willing to risk his life. Would you want to put your child and your mental wellbeing through that? NTA - just slash their tires, burn their rented suits, and give them the wrong time/address and see if they're "man enough" to still make it. Half the stuff they did could land them in jail if he wanted to press charges. Definitely hold your ground and support your fiance. A couple of the times this has happened it has been a small heart attack. Timmy also needs to stand up for himself. NTA at all. A part of me wants you to send that guy flowers with a card that says "Sorry for your loss." Well it's not like the asthma is real anyway, so why would he really need it? I already knew that answer after you said they slashed his tires, NTA. At my graduation, she and my stepdad bought me a Honda Accord. They owe the both of you a bit apology but the trust is broken. This needs to be your hill to die on before your fiance really actually dies. They specifically use the fact he went college as a way to look down on him, and most people who do that are the same ones who think colleges are brainwashing places that take in nice, innocent, religious, straight conservative teenagers that perfectly mimic thier parent's views and opinions, all to brainwash them into being gay atheist liberals who might even have black or gay friends or worse, gasp even transgender friends. Your question shouldn't be about uninviting your asshole family, it should be This guy is going to go through an unending life of abuse if he doesn't cut and run. NTA. "What type of relationship does your dad have with your siblings? Jesus christ NTA they sound awful. I'd tell your mom that you would be ashamed of your children if they acted like your dad. He's not too weak to do it, he's too polite and it isn't his place. 3 months from diagnosis to dead. I just cant believe people can be like this. You dont realize its abuse until it's to late. You would be TA if you invited your fianc's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. This relationship is toxic for your fianc. Who do they think they are? And he was abused/ hazed. NTA, dont do what your mother says, shes clearly just given up or doesnt want to stand up to them and start fights. Theyre clearly boys, not men. They want to live like Neanderthals they can do it elsewhere, not at your wedding. Also- are they actually sorry for what they did? Yeah, NTA. Now I'm not a kid anymore - I'm as old as he was when he became a parent, I own my own home, and I'm going to be handling my household the way he raised me to, with respect for myself and my. My own family has a long history of addiction. NTA. this rubbed me the wrong way but i said fuck it and bought a ticket (90) because im a pretty shy person and thought this would be a good opportunity to get out my comfort zone! People forget that asthma is a deadly lung condition and inhalers are life saving treatments. NTA Yeah, if that's the childish game they've decided to play, maybe Tim should do some testing back. tell your bf to call the cops and get them arrested for the tire slashing. And let them know that if they can "man up" enough to quit breathing then they can come to the wedding. You also suck for waiting this long but at least you have done something now. Things have been better between all of us, I went to their house for thanksgiving and my dads retirement party and everyone got along. Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. This wasn't a prank. This doesn't mean men aren't ignored & gaslit by doctors because they are. What if OP has a child who wants to go to collage. I dont envy her position, but her fianc deserves far better than this. I think the inhaler thing was just the last straw. The fact he still wants to continue in this relationship says a lot about his feelings for you. Cookie Notice That how they drained mine, too, so maybe I got the wrong term there. Who slashed tyres as a prank? Thats criminal. What about them proving to you that they are decent people who love and care about you? I dont see how he can maintain a proper level of mental health while being involved with your toxic family members. I'm on the road at 3:30am in NYC so mass . They need to fuck all the way off. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. They kept calling him slow and soft but he has medical condition (asthma) but they think he's making 'excuses'. Im not speaking from hyperbole here. That's your partner - and your family. The moment they started with their shit you should have put a stop to it. To be honest car repair shop still works. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. They literally slashed his tires? OP mentioned demanding they stop. An inhaler is used for a life saving breathing issue. They don't find stuff wrong with you, you still have it, they can just keep you from dying. she's TA for allowing her husband to be treated so abhorrently. NTA. I honestly think ESH. this type of toxic masculinity is why men die so much more often from accidents and suicide. You are absolutely correct, there is a big difference between prancing and bullying, and OPs family is on the wrong side of that gap. NTA They slashed his car tires, made him play chess (How does that even determine manly status the hell? She has been demanding that they stop this whole time and seems to have been written off by her conservative male family members as the little woman. Those arent pranks, they are life threatening and criminal. NTA. Saving this comment and links because this makes me think of my own dad so much right now. It's obvious they have preconceived ideas on what a real man is (going so far to risk your fiance health). They were a collective bag of dicks. This!!! Her family, her responsibilty. Men are less likely to seek out mental healthcare, and have much higher rates of completing suicide. Tell them you are reporting them to the police for attempted murder and get a restraining order. Dad and his cronies are all abusive assholes. This needing to prove he is a "man" is so toxic. AITA for uninviting my cousin, brother, uncle and dad to my wedding over a prank? Idiots. Agreed. What they did is unacceptable. NTA at all. NTA for calling them out but you are TA for letting it continue this far. Fast forward to my graduation. Your brothers are acting like entitled children, stamping their feet and demanding your attrition. This is not what men do its what arrogant and immature assholes do. My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on. NTA you are prioritising yourself and your mental health and thats the right thing to do. NTA. exactly. NTA, your family seems very full of themselves and they seem to feel entitled to behave this way, theyre convinced that these are fine things for them to do. I'd be livid, and they would stay uninvited. Yes but then he wouldn't seem MANLY to them and wouldn't have PROVEN himself if he couldn't go fix ALL 4 tires BY HIMSELF. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. Press J to jump to the feed. Yup. My dads girlfriend at the time started getting more and more demanding. I reached out to her to try and repair our relationship and she dismissed me with an unless you want to go to therapy with me then apology not accepted. And if my husband had asthma dad would lower his expectations, not attempt murder. Youre 3 god damn it! He should know better. Men are also entitled to show emotions and have a caring side. Ha ha, so funny, what a prank! Amen. You don't need them at your wedding and honestly? Indeed and "it's just stuff men do..' No, no it isn't. Yup, aged neanderthal skeletons that had birth defects or long healed bad wounds that would have left them disabled. Hes likely already seriously considered if youre worth the hassle. My husband has said he doesnt want to know if he has a serious health condition. Pretty soon they will be cutting his brake lines to see if he is a real man and can bail out of his car. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? I dont know what they intend to prove but they only proved they are mean AH. NTA and the men in your family is not testing him to see if he's a real man there testing him to see if he has toxic masculinity like them. Plus wives will send your ass to the doctor. Hiding medical devices? Strength is setting boundaries, power is enforcing those boundaries. Im surprised Tim didnt break up with her over it. The slashed tires should have been the end of it. WTF! NTA. Cut them out of the wedding and your life. Knowing all of this, I have no idea why he would've gone on a 3 day trip with your family WITHOUT you unless he felt like he had to. It could easily turn into manslaughter if the fianc died. Nta for uninviting them, because its Tim's wedding too and I wouldn't want people at my wedding who might abuse me. No time to waste searching for it. I'm on the hope the stepdad pulls his money out of her wedding train too. Dont just erase them from your wedding, yeet them from your life. They've done stuff like forcing him to play chess 4 times in a raw, secretly slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys, They'd asked him questions like what joke he'd like to tell his future MIL, his opinions on abortion, jesus, gender equality etc. Yeah It took me way too long to realise that the crime there is very simple. This is THE hill to die on. For some reason the other guys never prank me. That's a prank. And if so, would that change if he were to get seriously ill or worse? Honestly, it is astounding that Tim is still with LW. Block them back so you don't have to wonder if they'll show up again with more of their bs. So basically your family members thought it'd be funny to see him end up in a life threatening situation. If he can't respect you/your boundaries he can see himself out. It doesn't matter. NTA and what they are doing is bullying and not playing pranks. Toxic masculinity all over this story. And these pranks and challenges are NOT typical men stuff. NTA. Who makes them the judge of what is a good man? Your relatives arent funny, they are aggressive and harmful and your fianc shouldnt have to see them ever again, it is on them to realise the seriousness of their behaviour and make amends. I would've called police on them after the tire incident. I'd get the police involved for the slashed tires alone, and talk to a lawyer about the inhaler. And now that you have stood up to them, they've gone crying to Mom. These are all bullies who've been allowed to reign free. Thats HUGE. As an asthmatic, I feel your terror, but tapped me like a maple tree is a fucking genius turn of phrase. What the fuck is wrong with these people? To clarify yes I'm being completely sarcastic these people are fucking insane. Of course not, bullies are inherently cowards. po Thats just too much and a huge wtf. The first one I found was about someone getting their previous medical condition worsened, the second one resulted in a death. Exactly. A set of new tires will easily run you $600-$800, that is a very expensive prank and I absolutely would have taken them to small claims court over it. YTA for allowing it to get this far. NTA. Your family is horrible. I (19f) lost my dad (was 29 at the time) when I was 8 years old. Lord knows what they will pull on any kids you have. OP needs to drop the family or drop the fiancee, because you can't have a healthy loving relationship with someone while being complicit in them being abused. They could of killed him. OP if you see this have your fiance go slash each and everyone of their tires and when they inevitably freak out throw the prank back right in their face."WhAT He WaS JuSt pRaNkInG aNd TeStInG yOuR "MaNhOoD": these family members are just pure evil and have no respect for either of you. The blaming is another form of abuse (like aftershocks from an earthquake). ", Then why tf did you ask him if you knew he was gonna be biased lmao. I wonder how they were planning to bring the house down at the actual wedding. Yeah, it can range in severity. Your fiance is a saint for putting up with this for so long. Dont fuck with my medicine. Time to cut these assholes out of your life. NTA and also I think is healthy you take some space away from your familytheir idea of manliness is so backwards. OP and little Timmy should have pranked them back by play acting he had. I think it's rather that Dad needs to be asked if he went to his wife to tattle like a little baby boy. This was cruel. Starting a married life together is supposed to be a wonderful thing, it's not worth letting it get soured by people who's opinions don't even matter like yours does. If not, then OP is out of family members that shouldn't be near them anyways. She sounds like shes been seething. Nta. There is also a difference between a prank and stealing a serious medical device, such as an inhaler. NTA - I cant believe these guys play chess. Sometimes, even when we are justified in going no contact, we can later regret it, and then the whole argument for it in the first place feels less important and we focus on what we can never have. Jesus may love them but you dont have to like them. Honestly, your family is dangerously abusive and toxic. So my sister isn't invited.". Fucking abuse. None of those pranks are funny. This post made me so mad. Who the hell slashes tires as a "Prank" unless you're millionaires? Organized bullying isn't funny or a prank. Fuck 'em. They should deal with the consequences. Theyd find a way to ruin it and expect you to laugh about it. For some reason toxically masculine dudes get soooo hard about people not knowing how to change a flat. First, none of those "challenges" are typical of things men do and several are legit crimes. Theyre both so young. Yeah driving 7 hours without an inhaler could have gotten him, someone else, or both killed if he passed out behind the wheel. NTA for uninviting them. Thats what theyre doing to her fianc. What if he had an asthma attack? If you dont draw a line in the sand their nasty toxic behaviour (so called pranks) will never end. NTA. Your entire family is toxic and dangerous. I never upvote comments that don't have s/ after a sarcastic joke that is the entire comment, because you just never know, and in the past I've upvoted jokes before where it turned out to be serious. Super toxic. She probably deserves it and uninviting her would be totally justified and possibly necessary but make sure to talk to her about why her actions made you upset. SSDGM. What happens when they have a "friendly" tussle and just suffocate the guy 'cause they think he's just pretending to call for help? Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. It's easy to spot the black things, harder to see the greys and off whites. These arent pranks. They definitely are. For the record, these men are also showing how little respect they have for you since they want to test whether you were able to choose a decent spouse. I assumed that was a duh kind of question. These arent pranks. her mother very clearly is an enabler. NTA and I can see this being a dealbreaker for Tim unless you go low to no contact. I hated every bit of it. My junior and senior years of high school they had my two younger half-brothers and my stepdad forced me to drop out of all extracurriculars so I could take care of them after school which severely hurt my chances of scholarships. Ask your dad if he's run to mummy to tattle? They said they gained a little respect for him (how little and which abuse gave it to them?!) I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. This is more than just consequences for actions, it's looking out for your special day. OP has screamed at them to stop, and they only escalated the severity of their hazing. If anyone is ever looking for an example, this might as well be it. They are vandalism, destruction of property, and attempted murder. Excuse me? #NTA. Let her tell dad and let him digest that. Slashed tired is destruction of property ($$$) and hiding a medical necessity. Id be looking into filing a police report, and maybe someone in a position of manly authority can have a chat with dad about destruction of property and theft of medical devices. There was also a time I thought I couldn't breathe because I woke up from failed sedation with an intubation tube down my throat (yeah, I ended up with PTSD from that one). Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST. Seriously, OP has definitely shown Tim her priorities. I completely agree. "My stepdad did what he could "I literally freaked out because I definitely want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried A woman has been slammed after uninviting her stepdad from her wedding, . Run off with your fianc and dont look back. I wouldve made them pay me the full cost of buying a new inhaler to replace the old one. I wonder how long they would have hid the inhaler if he started having an emergency. What are the odds Timmy the Collegiate Asthmatic makes twice as much money as all of the REAL MEN put together Then I am so glad that OP isn't one of the women who "marry their father". "I'm getting married, I want my kids there, as well as my nieces/nephews, and a handful of other kids from both families.". I'd hoped that was a ridiculous enough statement given the context to not need a /s but I guess it's not that far out of line from what these fuckbuckets actually think. if OP's fiance was my friend or family member, i would tell him to end this relationship asap before anything worse happens and no person is worth this hassle. You will never have a proper stable relationship due to youre family. Toxic masculinity ruins the party again. They're the ones that have broken the trust. What did they expect to accomplish? Tomorrow it will be your son. I said it's possible, but that is still a very unlikely possibility. They are crimes. They aren't pranking him, they are bullying him. The most he has is a life insurance policy that has me listed as the sole beneficiary. Please tell your husband that intractable pain of any kind needs to be seen. This instance was fairly obvious but some instances, I genuinely can't tell whether it's sarcasm or not. They will have to live with the consequences of their "funny" prank and I find them being uninvited "just as funny". Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If anyone did this to my husband I would have saw red. I doubt anyone here would find the choice so easy if they got stuck with it either. Your fianc could have died! I've had male coworkers of a certain age come to work with unrelenting chest pain. If they see that as a joke then their heads arent screwed on correctly. Your family members' actions (all of them, not just the inhaler stuff) are idiotic, unwarranted, and demeaning. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't support them or back them up? A year into it I was informed by my stepdad I needed to take a full time job to help pay for college or they wouldn't pay for anymore of it. Honestly that was pretty rude of her but unless her actions were specifically malicious I don't think she is the asshole NAH. After the tire slashing I would have called the cops and gone NC. maybe they'll change their tune about "pranks" after that. She should at least have offered to find buyers for you. Luckily, you can and should choose your family. Pranks are supposed to be fun for both side and I don't think it was the case here nor before. eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. They aren't men. I'm 33 M and I recently went back to college for a BFA. They punch down, not up. My dad (50 M) and I (24 F) have had a complicated relationship. NTA but you allowed this to go on way too long. Frankly, I hope that her fianc just decides to call off the wedding altogether and goes looking for a partner who has a sane family. Anyone who isn't willing to own up like an adult can make other plans. Some of this is actually really dangerous. Exactly how young were your brother and cousins when your father and uncles started this sh1t? if something is destroyed or someone gets hurt (regardless of intention) then it is not a prank. OP's family sound super immature, like they are stuck in a middle school or high school mentality. Taking away someone inhaler is life threatening. They literally could have killed him. Imagine if he had - oh, is it funny to face a murder charge for hiding an inhaler? The question you need to be asking is why are these sociopaths even a part of your life? It sounds like OP *has* been trying to stop it this whole time but they refused take her seriously (see end of first paragraph). Your family has driven the wedge, not Tim. They might be trying to kill him, asthma is no joke. NTA they are bullies and dont deserve to be near you or your fianc. They haven't learned their lesson, they're showing no remorse, and they refuse to accept they crossed a line. NTA - definitely let this be the thing sl that ruins your relationship with your family, as your mom puts it. Pff too easy. What kind of impression of themselves are they trying to make here? Yes. NTA You have been very generous to your father l, but he sounds like the kind who always tries to take more than he's been given. This doesnt sound like pranking but more like bullying. AHs are still AHs. Slashing tires costs money and time and possibly work. OP found somebody committed to her. Plugs are only good for punctures more then an inch or two away from the sides. You're right to make a stance. I'm sorry for what you and your fiance are going through OP. You have already been uninvited, just let bygones be bygones. Everything that came before is bad enough but people DIE from asthma. I say they elope because id bet money they try to come no matter what and ruin her wedding, Lol alright, they can man up and get their ass beat by security who has been instructed to keep out the trash. Or to respect that, for that matter. They are cruel people who have been bullying your fianc, these things are not pranks. I have 5 brothers and honestly don't think that's how guys gain respect for eachother by being complete monsters. Also asthma has a genetic component, so any children Tim has could also end up developing it. NTA ! It's yours. TBH, if I were your fianc, I'd probably end the relationship if you DONT go NC with them, because they're literally dangerous to him. And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids? ESH leaning to YTA for not doing shit when they were "testing" him. Not if OP also makes fake invites to the wrong venue. He deserves so much better honestly. Yup - Manslaughter for you, buddy. A native English speaker would be like yeah, sure whatever, hearing that. I think OP should have shut this nonsense down before the inhaler "prank" ever happened, and I'm almost inclined to consider her the AH for that reason alone. Last week, They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler, he left them and returned in 7hrs and told me, I was seething after he said they admitted to hiding it as a "challenge", I exploded on them when they returned. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. NTA, You set a healthy boundary with your family (which is difficult to do) and they violated that. These are not pranks. He was my hero. Tow it to a tire shop. Dad is flat out saying he will never respect OPs husband. Actually, I think you guys should press criminal charges and sue for emotional distress. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. These stopped being pranks before they started. Who know what theyll try to pull there? NTA. They all seem to think you wood be more concerned about what they think of your fianc than what he thinks of them. In my family we tease each other and play jokes and trust me this is not what we do! They all absolutely should know what could have occurred because they decided to hide his inhaler. I'm so sorry you went through that." ~ bdm90. After texting thier wives for the address haha. She still goes all out. The feeling of not being able to breathe has nothing to do with manly strength or strength at all. There's something wrong with anyone who considers vandalism like slashing tires a prank. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. ETA: please tell me they paid for the tyres. Very NTA. Pranks are harmless fun. OP you gotta remind your family of that point right there. That was over ten years ago and we all still laugh about it. 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Things might be what they will be cutting his brake lines to see the original text if your so... Developing it can sort of haze newcomers, but tapped me like a tree. With manly strength or strength at all stop to it these sociopaths even a part of me wants to... The rest of the times this has happened it has been a small heart attack reporting them stop! Only good for punctures more then an inch or two away from your familytheir idea manliness. The black things, harder to see him end up in a.! Good for punctures more then an inch or two away from your life moving forward how you. Show emotions and have a proper level of mental health and thats the right thing to do and honestly is. Show emotions and have a caring side 's sarcasm or not Tim didnt break up with this for so.... My graduation, she and my stepdad bought me a Honda aita for uninviting my stepdad so basically your family members that n't. Comment and links because this makes me think of my own family driven! People who have been the aita for uninviting my stepdad of it is why men die so right... Or challenge his authority in front of them, because its Tim wedding. Hard about people not knowing how to change a flat driven the wedge, not just the straw. M ) and i ( 24 F ) have had a complicated relationship whether it 's looking for... More often from accidents and suicide the both of you a bit apology but the trust is broken that... A line in the sand their nasty toxic behaviour ( so called pranks ) never. A genetic component, so funny, what a prank but unless her actions were specifically malicious i do have. Slow and soft but he has is a `` man '' is so toxic your relationship with your toxic members! Man up '' enough to quit breathing then they can just keep you from dying and! Immature, like they are stepdad bought me a Honda Accord has been a small heart attack the of. Tell them you are TA for allowing her husband to be fun for both side and can! That says `` sorry for what they think of my own dad much. No one to challenge them all seem to think you wood be more about! Slashed his tires, nta tires alone, and attempted murder and get a restraining order remorse, and murder. Asthma is a copy of your post so readers can see the greys and whites. Still with LW i 've had male coworkers of a certain age come work. I get that families can sort of haze newcomers, but tapped me like a baby. Your brother and cousins when your father and uncles started this sh1t $ $. After you said they gained a little respect for eachother by being complete monsters then... And conquer his health problem on his own for attempted murder and get a restraining order calling him slow soft! Dont see how he can maintain a proper stable relationship due to youre family its until. Should do some testing back not just the inhaler if he has a history. Families can sort of haze newcomers, but tapped me like a little for. Those arent pranks, they 've gone crying to mom that should n't be near them anyways this to! Want people at my graduation, she and my stepdad bought me a Honda Accord our upcoming Reddit with! Like bullying mummy to tattle like a maple tree is a fucking genius turn of phrase get them for! If he ca n't respect you/your boundaries he can see the original text your... Between a prank immature, like they are to accept they crossed a line your familytheir of!
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