I am having mixed feeling as i dont really know what she wants and if we do have a slight chance to start again? He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. Above I believe I made a pretty strong case that human beings are very self interested creatures and most of the time when an ex wants to be friends with you its because it serves them in some way. Let us explore why your ex wants to be your buddy. After a breakup, you feel awful and completely lost. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. All rights reserved. But she has become a person I almost dont recognize in some ways.. Not playing victim. I grieved and did everything you need to do to get past it. Sutton Stracke would want to meet her match in Lisa Rinna. Im worried about providing too much or too little attention. I was upset when he suggested and told him off. Since your ex isnt interested in being a couple, its highly likely he or she doesnt want to be your friend either. Its unnecessary, stinks, a complete waste of space and time, and will never come in handy. Notice how the conversation opens up with people who hold coveted places in your life. For your ex maybe there is no ambiguity but for you its simply a way to get closer and to stay in contact. THAT would have been nice. Regrets breaking up. Hi Nicole when you work together you follow a limited no contact where you speak in work about work and only when you have to. Ive also decided to have a month on self love and improvement. There are all kinds of reasons why an ex wants to be friends, but one thing is for sure and that is that they still care about you. After her masters degree in Commerce, she acquired a PG Diploma in Communication and Journalism from Mumbai University. One of the reasons is that they like to share resources and help each other out. I helped her a lot to solve her problems, i dont mind because I feel complete when helping others but I believe she was scared I leave her at some point so she decided to leave me instead. They say something along the lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you. Please Help. And therein lies the rub (coz I also want him dead so I don't have to put up with his nastiness and manipulation of the kids!). Then proceeded to tell me he wants to just be friends and does not want more than that. Consider for a moment the types of conversations you have with the different people in your life. He'll want to keep you in his life to provide a female presence in his life, at least until he meets someone new. Your ex did not realize it earlier, but now they seem to see it. Tell him I dont want to be friends, even though I agreed to be before and go into complete NC? It's almost a year since the divorce went through and I get a message out of the blue from her: After a breakup, there are usually two types of situations. Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. She offered me We can still hang out and have fun. Some individuals enjoy being the dominating one. It was really sad and I felt used, manipulated though she has great qualities that I love. Which we both said from the start. For other their best friends may hold the top position. Heres The Truth, How To Be Mentally Strong After A Breakup, How Attachment Styles Can Help You Get An Ex Back, How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend, How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Social Media, Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get Their Exes Back, Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back, What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Really Mean. Although you may like to explore friendship, you may be haunted by several questions, such as why do they want to re-enter your lives after all the unpleasant events? It suddenly dawned upon your ex that they enjoyed various advantages while in a relationship with you. 8. She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. This could be so he doesnt feel resented for what hes done after somebody else has hurt him. Hey there, so if you still want your ex back then you need to follow the program starting with a No Contact. situation to come back from. We didnt speak for a few months. Exes arent interested in a romantic, nor friendly relationship with you. I have been sensing that she may be letting a guy pursue her or being on dates. The other one I never spoke to again. It however messed with my head, she sounded sad talking to me. For some reason, hes trying to weasel his way back into your life. She then said, my feelings are going down. Breaking up is the toughest phase of ones life, especially when you and your partner have known each other for a long time. Very selfish, I know. We went through some things. You experiencing jealousy is one thing, but your ex might become possessive over you, and try to prevent you from seeing anyone other than him. We broke up 5 months ago. I invested all in our relationship. She was a little bit rude with me. He asked me to be his friend because he wanted me in his life and missed seeing me and missed my company. Im not sure if I should try and be friends because while I have strong feelings Im not sure its love. The sooner you let her know she cant contact you anymore, the better. As I said, if you want to be together with your ex again, and your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, (even if they say that they dont have feelings for you anymore), you shouldnt settle for being their side-chick or their friend with benefits unless this is something that actually makes you happy. Theres nothing you can do right now that will make her see your worth. Yes, but it depends on the following: 1. On one hand, I hoped I would get him back, on the other hand, it broke me when he suggested me to consider one of our mutual friends. We did cut it. The second reason why staying friends with your ex sounds far-fetched is that you dont really want to settle for something so low. She wasnt ready for this relationship thats one of the problems. It may have been years since you broke up but you're still on their mind and they just can't seem to move on with their lives. In the breakup world, this is one of the worst things you can have. Are Dumpers Afraid To Contact Their Dumpees? It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. Remove yourself from the equation, no wants wants the safety / 3rd string QB. If you remember the quote above, you will understand that its up to your ex who has to do all the work from now on. Often when you become friends with your ex you are placing yourself in a position of weakness. Perhaps the relationship was one-sided, a fling or an infatuation, and they are over with it now. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. However, if your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, you may be perplexed about it. Its possible he started seeing/talking to other people and got a huge raise to the ego. You need to also read the texts that Chris suggests in his articles. If youre the one that left, they might be suggesting staying friends because they dont want everything to end so abruptly. He will not provide you with the same amount of attention as before when you were in a relationship. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. That went pretty well, we just chatted and played. Sometimes the person who is the dumper feels guilty about leaving the relationship, especially if they were unfaithful, and they want to remain friendly with the dumpee to help to ease . Todd Williamson/Bravo via Getty. Whether it be property, a pet, social circle, or most definitively children, your ex may want to keep the peace and stay friendly for those reasons. It can slow down your healing process as you are still dealing with several unresolved feelings. Has your ex offered you friendship? Image: Shutterstock. The most important reason why staying friends with your ex wouldnt work is because of your ex and his need for space. What does this mean..? If you could establish a clear hierarchy itd probably look something like this. He reasoned that he wanted me to be happy. by Chris Richardson. The same can be said for your ex when he suddenly wants to be friends with you again. Others will avoid you like the plague. If shes not, then shell cling to you for love or validation. It is not a good idea to be friends with your ex just because they are afraid of change. We ended with half a phone call. Today we are going to be tackling three of the biggest questions that my clients seem to have when they find themselves in this situation. I dated a guy for three months. The breakup doesnt entail just the physical split, but rather a complete separation from each other. We hangout one time and she allowed me to kiss her. Your relationship ended because it wasn't working. Go back to only sending streaks without opening his snaps? He texted me the morning after the breakup and seemed genuinely concerned about me and he seemed genuinely sad too. With the way you feel it also isnt going to be possible for you to be friends with him yet. Why does my 30F ex bf 31M want to be friends after breaking up with me? His wife died almost a year ago so I know he is wanting to take things slow. But now he keeps calling talking about a possible friendship. 1. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. Reconciling with your selfish ex is only going to add excessive strain to your life. If its better to not be in conflict with your ex, does it mean that its a good idea to be buddies?! There is no middle ground when it comes to exes. Youre thinking that the only way you can get close to your ex again is by getting in bed with them. If something naturally happens then it happens. When I ended it I said that we could be friends, he was upset and I said dont worry you cant get rid of me that easily its now 4 days later and I realised that I was in a very one sided relationship with me giving far too much! | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact Us. Start fresh. Two weeks later he said he really wanted us to work out & hell do whatever to work it out. Ive said it many times and have even written a book about it. I went NC for another month and blocked him just to stop myself from texting him but he contacted me elsewhere and asked what was wrong etc. Your Ex Becomes Possessive. A few possibilities why someone wants to stay friends with an ex: -To have them as a backup plan. I felt sad for him. Go back to only sending streaks without opening his snaps backup plan a good idea be... She offered me we can still hang out and have fun times and have even written book... That they like to share resources and help each other for a long.! 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